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2009-07-14T18:31:00.002-04:00

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My Quote Made It...

2009-04-27T18:32:00.003-04:00

You may not care but I do. I was in a draft chat at footballoutsiders who are easily the best football guys out there IMO. Well my quote from the chat on the Percy Harvin pick by the vikings made their audibles section. I am stoked for this because like I said footballoutsiders are the best. Click here and go to to the vikings pick of Harvin

I didn't say anything special but hey, I will take it. The chat had over a thousand replies so to make it out of that is cool.

name is terrapin there as well.

Matt Stafford: Lucky SOB.

2009-04-27T18:17:00.001-04:00

Not only did he get the most guaranteed money in nfl history but he got to do a photoshoot with.....

E:60 Maria Sharapova and Matt Stafford Preview from ESPN Communications on Vimeo.

Ryan And Calhoun Have Died.

2009-04-24T22:26:00.004-04:00

I was wondering where the other two teh blog members got off to. You know seeing as how neither one ever posts at all. I did some research and it turns out both of them have died.

I called Ryan's family to find out what happen to my dear friend. He was out in the woods chopping down some trees for lumber. One of the trees fell at an angle that caused Ryan to jump out of its oncoming heap. While diving his axe went flying up in the air. The axe than landed on Ryan cutting his head off. RIP Ryan. Cave Crickets will never be the same without you.

Calhoun on the other hand is a much more tragic story. I had to go into deep research on the net to find out about his whereabouts and what I found out was truly sad. Calhoun took a trip to Africa because he is a big Bono fan and wanted to follow in his heroes footsteps by saving the children. While in Africa he went into the wild with some tour guides to look and learn about animals. A pissed off rhino who had earlier been tagged by a hunter saw the jeep Calhoun was in and rammed it turning it over. The turned over jeep landed on Calhoun's body leaving him pinned. The rhino then used Calhoun's head as a humping post and than when finished gored poor Calhoun's head.

These are both true stories. No one will be here to defend them.

OMG Horrible!!!!!

2009-04-23T00:22:00.003-04:00

I Have a huge dislike for Beyonce because she is a no talent bitch who annoys the fuck out of me with her stupid dance moves and shit like that. She probably is the most annoying female on the planet. Here is a clip from the Howard Stern show which plays a clip of her singing without her knowing or something. Listen to around 1:06 when she really gets bad. Jesus Christ!

Rachel Mcadams.

2009-04-21T21:23:00.001-04:00

She is super hot in this photo shoot. Go see State Of Play.

Free Image Hosting by ImageBam.com

Two Smashed Movie Reviews In One.

2009-04-21T21:05:00.002-04:00

This past weekend I saw "adventureland" and "State of play". Both movies are good and both are worth going to see.

Adventureland stars Bill Hader(the only funny one in this movie), Kristen Wigg(wasted in this), Jesse Eisenberg, and Kristen Stewart(aka Ms. Twilight). This movie takes place in a theme park type place called adventureland where depression and broken dreams are common. The movie is basically a love story between characters James and Em(Eisenberg & Stewart). I am no fan of Kristen Stewart but after this movie I would definitely like to sex her up. Jesse Eisenberg is not as dorky as the previews would lead you to believe. He gets all the hot girls in adventureland. The acting is fine across the board and the story is simple and to the point. The movie is more drama than comedy and worth a watch if you want a semi funny love story.

Grade: B

State of Play is a suspense movie that I won't go into because I don't care to. You just need to know that is is good, and brings Ben Affleck best performance I have seen. Russell Crowe of course is the man as he always is and Rachel Mcadams is fucking adorable and hot all at the same time. Best she has looked in my mind. The movie takes more twists than an indian burn and is full of shockers I guess you could say.

Grade: B+

Teh Sports.

2009-04-21T20:54:00.003-04:00

* The Nationals are so lame and horrible that the people who make their jerseys can't even spell their name right. Ouch. National E.Dukes gets fined for showing up to the ball park 5 minutes late because he was at a charity little league game.Ouch. Good job there Nationals aka the laughing stock of professional baseball.

* The NFL draft is fast approaching which means the Lions will draft a bust at QB and Mel Kiper will give us two full days of his smug cocky asshole douche face.

* Torry Holt signs with the Jags and his career now becomes a 500 yard 3 td receiver.

*TO will star in a new show called "superstars" where athletes compete in other sports( I think). I predict he will win.

*High School pitcher Patrick Schuster throws 4 no hitters in a row. DAMN! Impressive.

*I am no fan of the NBA but I would watch every game of the finals if it's Cavs vs Lakers or basically Kobe vs Lebron. Sprite vs Sprite, Best vs. Best.

Lions New Logo.

2009-04-20T16:58:00.003-04:00

Looks like shit to me. Pretty horrible. The font looks the worst.

Observe And Report Review.

2009-04-14T22:44:00.003-04:00

Observe and Report is one of those movies you go see with your friends and have a good time doing so. The movie has many many many great moments that will make you and your pals cackle or just blurt out the words "holy shit!"

Observe for those of you living under a rock stars portly Seth Rogan as mall cop Ronnie Barnhardt. When I go see a movie starring Seth I expect to laugh about 50 times. The guy is just funny and has an infectious laugh. Was this movie any different? No. The movie has many laugh out loud moments and even more "wtf?" moments. O&R is directed by Jody Hill. He directed the horrible "Foot Fist Way" film that the guys over at funnyordie.com raved about. I can tell you don't listen to the hype the movie sucks. But Jody also created the HBO tv show "eastbound and down" starring Danny Mcbride. That show is pure brilliance in which Mcbride plays a retired(not by choice) ego maniac baseball player. So Jody Hill is currently shooting at 66% which is damn good.

Seth Rogan is not alone in this movie as far as funny people go. Anna Faris plays her typical air headed drunk drugged out character which she plays to perfection. Michael Pena leaves his roots of being a dramatic actor(his performance in "crash" was amazing) for his first endeavor into comedy and does a great job as Ronnie's "number 2". My boy Ed from Scrubs fame, Aziz Ansari helps Seth Rogan in the longest "fuck you" scene in movie history. Danny Mcbride plays a crack head who displays his drug dealing little kid proudly via a tattoo on his chest. And of course there is others but fuck them.

A movie like this doesn't really need to be strong on story. The movie is just about Ronnie's ego and trying to catch a pervert who keeps exposing himself to women in the parking lot of the mall. It also aides Seth Rogan into the category of best comedic action star. O&R along with Pineapple Express were both boarder line action movies, not in the truest sense but in the sense of all the fighting and gun violence.

I just saw it 24 hours ago and I want to see it again already. It is funnier than Yes,Man and ranks above Seth Rogans films such as superbad and zach and miri, but not quite as good as Knocked up or Pineapple.

In conclusion go see it if you like Seth Rogan. If you are not a fan than you will probably remain on the outside looking in with this movie.

Grade:B+

Monsters Vs. Aliens 3D Review.

2009-04-11T19:34:00.003-04:00

Does anyone even read this fucking blog anymore? Because I know no one will read this I will start off by saying that I as recently as last night joined a gang. We are called the water snobs. We go around to local businesses and try their water. I normally, being the leader of the gang and all spit my water into someones face. Don't serve me gross water. Being in a gang and thus spitting water into peoples faces does have its drawbacks. For one I have been arrested three times since joining, and two I spit water into this guys girlfriends face and he threw me through a window. So you know.

I forgot this was a movie review, sorry.

This movie is so got damn full of big name celebrities it's beyond the thought of "what's the point?" The only celeb who changes his voice for a role is Kiefer Sutherland. Instead of running down the story, duh it's about monsters vs aliens(well one alien) I will instead name drop like like a Chino XL song.

Reese Witherspoon- Typical. Nothing special.

Seth Rogan- He gets kicked into space and starts laughing which was pretty funny. He was easily the best in this movie playing a dumb blob of goo named B.O.B

Hugh Laurie- Plays a smart doctor, Hmmm sound familiar?

Will Arnett- Probably the second best character in the movie.

Rainn Wilson- Love Dwight, but his character, the one alien in this film is super lame.

Stephen Colbert- Plays a dumb president, only has one funny part which involves coffee. Coffee joke is funny because I know all too well.

Paul Rudd- Absolutely wasted in this movie.

and a bunch of other celebrities who have bit roles.

The movie is just OK. But what made the movie cool was the 3D element. I thought I would hate the whole 3D thing going around movies these days but it was pretty fucking cool. Made this OK movie much better than it really is. I don't understand why they shelled out so much money( I assume) for so many big name actors who do nothing for the movie really. Not much else to say about this one.

Movie Grade- C

Grade Once You Add in the 3D- B-

Parks and Recreation.

2009-04-10T00:50:00.003-04:00

I was pretty hopeful and hyped up about this new show starring snl alum Amy Poehler. But guess what? It is pretty much a carbon copy of the office. Same set up with a camera crew who follows them around. Amy's character is basically Michael Scott. I didn't really laugh much either. I will give it a shot but I am super disappointed in this un-original show.

Grade- C

Hot Girl Lightsaber Battle.

2009-04-09T16:01:00.002-04:00

I ran into this clip on my favorite movie news site. I won't lie I dig two hot girls in a lightsaber fight while cutting each others clothes off. Plus one girl has a nice ass

This Week At Teh Movies( Apr 10)

2009-04-08T21:11:00.003-04:00

It is that time of year when most weeks pass without a single decent movie worth our money comes out. Because of this I have not done one of these posts in what feels like a month. But good news this week, a movie worth the donkey digits(I just made that up) comes out as well as a movie I would love nothing more than to shit all over.

Observe and Report- I am hearing some damn good things about this comedy. It stars every ones favorite goofy pot smoking comedy doe ball Seth Rogan(except Ryan). It is directed by Jody Hill who is awesome and if you don't believe me check out the awesome HBO show "EastBound and Down" . That show stars Danny Mcbride who is the best cusser in hollywood. What does that mean? Well it means no one utters cuss words in such a fury of funny like Danny Mcbride. He plays a crack head in this movie which should bring more laughs than the opposite of a Dane Cook movie(make sense?) . Michael Pena makes his comedic debut in this film, I am a fan of his dramatic work and I feel from what I have seen in the special I saw that he should be super good in this movie as well. SEE

Dragon Ball Evolution- Got Damn this movie looks about as good as a roast beef looking pussy. And if you don't know that is NOT A GOOD thing. This movie looks beyond horrible and just makes me want to kill myself for every liking the stupid ass cartoon. I know many of us watched it and think to ourselves now "what was I thinking?". We were young and so dumb. PASS

Hannah Montana: The Movie- Got to give Disney credit, they know how to produce young teens into super stars. Why someone as dumb as Miley Cyrus is so popular makes no sense to my 26 year old mind. She looks like a malnourished horse. But I guess you idiot 13 year old girls see some strange appeal in this dumb cunt rag. How many 13 year old girls read this blog? Zero. Phew! Wouldn't want to offend them. PASS(any man without a daughter who goes and sees this should murder his ball sack with twin barettas)

A Observe and Report review should be up no later than Tuesday since I will likely go see it as soon as possible.

This post has been brought to you by Kate Beckinsale's hotness.

Improve Your Willpower By Brushing Wrong-Handed?

2009-04-07T14:22:00.003-04:00

Lifehacker is a site I recommend you check out. There's all sorts of ways to make your life more streamlined and efficient. Like for example, brushing your teeth with your other hand. This at first would sound like it'd be more inefficient than just sticking to the hand you are strong with, but according to this article, "making small alterations to your habits like this can increase your mental flexibility and stamina for sticking to tasks."

But why stop there? Here's some different things to use your other hand in order to train your willpower:

Your computer mouse - Frustrating at first, but you can do it!

High Fives - If done incorrectly, could result in slapping your friend in the face, so either way you win!

Fire a gun - What's the worst that can happen?

Throwing/kicking a ball - You'll look ridiculous, but at least the friends you high-fived in the face will get a laugh!

Chop vegetables and fruit - Again, what's the worst that can happen?

Shake hands - It confuses people when you shake with your left hand. It's awesome.

And of course, there's The Stranger. It's already tricky, just try it with your weak hand!

Like A Boss.

2009-04-05T17:30:00.002-04:00

The Lonely Island hits another home run. This one is not as good as some but is still top notch. The end gets quite crazy and funny( the fish thing had me laughing pretty hard)

Muse Will Melt Your Face

2009-04-03T10:46:00.002-04:00

One of my favorite new bands(and by new, I mean bands that I've recently fell in man-love with) is Muse. Muse is a UK band and they will melodically melt your face into a puddle of stereophonic soup.

They've announced a UK/North American tour, which is awesome, except they're opening for U2 at some locations. That's not awesome. I don't want to hear Bono whine about world freedom and I don't want to have to pay a U2-ticket price to see Muse.

Watch this video and join me in my melancholy.

Sunshine Cleaning Review.

2009-03-28T20:07:00.006-04:00

A few weeks ago I posted about wanting to see this movie starring Emily Blunt and Amy Adams as sisters who start a crime scene clean up business. The question is did it live up to the hype set forth by my mind? Did I fall deeper in love with Emily Blunt? And did I laugh?

Sunshine Cleaning is in essence a coming of age sort of movie. It is about two sisters who could not be more different. Amy Adams plays Rose who is a hard working single mother. Emily Blunt plays Norah the lovable alternative slacker who still lives with her father. The chemistry between the two actresses is great, they could be real sisters they are so good. Rose needs to find a way to make more money to send her trouble making son to a private school. She gets an idea from a fuck buddy to start a crime scene cleaning business. She enlists her lazy sister Norah and the fun begins. That's the gist of the story if you want more click here.

Did the movie live up to my own hype?

I thought it had a good bit of comedy( thanks to Emily Blunt and Alan Arkin) and great scenes of drama (between Blunt and Amy Adams). The chemistry between Adams and Blunt like I said was great, the relationship between Rose's son and his grandfather is also great. This movie is a success do to the relationships in it. I honestly think Amy Adams is a great actress and has a good bit of range in her performances. Emily Blunt as some may know is someone I adore. She is funny and has the talent to pull of comedy and drama. Acting wise this movie is great.

I feel some loose ends could have been tied up in the story though, but maybe the writer wanted us to come to our own conclusions. The ending could have had a better pay off. But the story is still a solid one and a good one to center a film around. So to answer my question the movie did live up to my hype despite not being as funny as I hoped it would be. Actually I just answered two of my questions. BOOM!

The biggest reason I saw this movie was because of Emily Blunt. The woman is "it" right now for me. Actually she is "it" right now in Hollywood as well as she is in a shit ton of movies in the next year. She is in two movies currently occupying your local hole in the wall shit cineplex. She is worth the price of admission alone. You may be asking yourself "why is he focusing so much of this crappy review on Emily Blunt?" and to that I ask you this. Do I need a reason to write about beautiful women? Fuck no! So let me continue on the more important topic of Emily. If you want proof of how awesome this chick is check out her interview on Jimmy Fallon or Ellen. You will see. She is so engaging and funny....Oh and she has the hottest British accent. Just ask Shane or Steel, they know what's up!

This review is over because no one is reading it anyway. If you are than hey, how are you doing? you going to go see this movie? really? awesome!

Grade: B

Note: If you are an fan of Amy Adams looks she is half naked in about 4 scenes in this movie. I think she may have even shown a boob or two but it was quick so I missed it.

Ryan's Top Five Women

2009-03-27T22:43:00.004-04:00

I don't trust a guy that doesn't keep a top five list. He's obviously lying to you. That means he's probably also lying to you when he says he has the answers to your history exam or can get you tickets to a U2 concert. In a related note, don't ever trust Zack Morris. You'll see more familiar names on my list compared to the other Teh Blog guys. I don't spend a whole lot of time looking up chicks on the Internet like Terrapin does. You'll notice I don't care for so much for blondes. Kind of in no order:

1. Katy Perry - Terrapin and I actually agree on a female. She's hot and she's kinda goofy. She dressed up like Freddie Mercury for Halloween. And you know what? I like her music. Yeah. I said it.

2. Emmanuelle Chriqui - I know her as that chick from Entourage. She's hot and I don't see enough of her. She seems friendly, too.

3. Megan Fox - Maybe it's because I'm being told by every website on the Internet that she's the hottest girl in the universe right now...but they're right! She's hot in every candid ever taken of her, too. It's kinda scary, really.

4. Scarlett Johansson - She's hot. And she can act. Do not listen to Terrapin. He eats babies. True story.

5. Miranda Kerr - She's kinda too skinny, but she reminds me of the girl next door. The one you used to stare at from a nearby tree while you weren't wearing pants. You didn't do that? Yeah me neither. I mean, that's stupid, right?

Bring'n Teh Funk.

2009-03-24T21:27:00.003-04:00

Del has been and will probably always be my favorite MC. He's the fucking man and my rhyming hero. He's one original and funny S.O.B . One thing I love about the a declining rap game is all the free albums my favorites have been putting out. Del is no different as he is releasing a free album in April. I for one am stoked and you should be too. Check out Del talking about his funk stimulus package. Rap is lacking the funk, DEL is here to change that.

I Love You, Man Review.

2009-03-24T21:02:00.002-04:00

I love you, man struck the multiplex this past Friday for us to laugh our asses off too. I think most of us probably did too. You have a movie with Paul Rudd(king of one liners) and Jason Segel(most underrated comic actor out there today) and you are bound for success. Not success in terms of the dollar since that shitty Nick Cage flick out made this movie but success in terms of making us laugh.

I went into this movie in a low key mood and not in a laughing mood. So my sides never split and I needed no stitches to repair my oozing insides. But it will make you laugh every few minutes or if you are not me, and like everyone else in the theatre than you will be on the floor laughing every minute. If I were in that type of mood I would have probably been on the floor too.

Paul Rudd kind of plays the straight man and Jason takes on the role of leader of the laugh factor. The movie is a love story between two straight men, that is all you need to know. The movie also has a large supporting cast like Rashida Jones(from the office fame) as Paul's love. Andy Samberg plays Paul's gay brother who helps Paul in finding men. And so on and so forth. All of these characters bring a different style of comedy. I was fond of Jon Favreau's asshole character and a very Kristen Wigg Esq Sarah Burns who looks like Kristen and shares a similar comedic style.

You guys have probably already seen this movie so I will type no more about this movie because I can't think straight.

Grade:B+

You Are Kidding Me Right?

2009-03-18T19:02:00.002-04:00

Marion Barber is easily one the best running backs in the NFL. Guy is a fucking beast and can do pretty much everything you could want from your running back. So why then is dumbass Jerry Jones saying Barber will likely come off the bench like he did when Julius was in town?

Are you kidding me?

Plus why is the owner of this tragedy of a football team making calls like who starts and who does not?

If I was Wade the puppet I would be like "Jerry, Marion is starting, are you fucking dumb?"

Then I would proceed to kick Jerry in the stomach, then punt his head on the way down. Following this I would quit, find a new coaching job as like a D Cord, get Marion in a trade and let the machine "Beast" the whole damn league. Yes.

Proof he is better than your momma's favorite running back

Anna Faris GQ Photoshoot

2009-03-18T11:51:00.005-04:00

A picture says a thousand words. Standard video has 30 frames per second. That's 30 pictures a second. That means this sexy little video of Anna Faris posing for GQ is worth about 429,000 words.

Terrapin`s Top Five Women.

2009-03-16T23:28:00.003-04:00

Ryan asked me to give you loyal readers my top five. Ryan and Calhoun will as well. I don't even have to think about this because I always have a top 5, top 10, etc in my head at all times. Let me first explain that I love women who have curves but are still fit(think volleyball players). Anyone who knows me knows I am an ass man. I will sacrifice boobs for a nice ass. The same thing goes with my celebrity crushes or whatever you want to call them(not all fall under this body type, only two currently). I also only put women at the top of my list who I like for other reasons outside of looks. So here you go...And yes I do keep track because I am a female celebrity junkie you could say.

One: Natasha Bedingfield- Many people don't understand my obsession with this angel. But I just love her and she is the most "my type" of any celebrity. She and Kate are the two most beautiful women on the planet to me. I seem to like prominent teeth. Her stomach is the nicest I have seen and yet her ass and hips are still in full effect. Her looks also made me a fan of her music, and I normally don't buy "pop" music.

Two: Kate Beckinsale- This will surely shock anyone who knows me. Kate Beckinsale was my number one for six years. And even still she is basically a co-number one. It goes without saying why I love this woman. I don't know anyone who doesn't think Kate is beautiful or at least hot.

Three: Mary Elizabeth Winstead- I saw her in Live free or die hard as Bruce Willis's daughter. I saw her amazing ass in some tight jeans, everything else was perfect and she's been my number three ever since. Beautiful face, crazy awesome body, and very down to earth.

Four: Bar Refaeli- already went into great detail of why I love her so much. Click Here To See.

Five: Katy Perry-Katy is pretty much my "it" girl right now. Pretty, has a cool style, sense of humor, big tits, nice body, not annoying like many pop singers, and is just plain sexy.

Writer note- If you can't see all the images please let me know. I know some sources don't show up for everyone.

Around Teh NFL

2009-03-16T17:48:00.003-04:00

Here's some stories going on right now that I think are interesting.

The Jay Cutler Story Continues - Jay Cutler is asking to be traded. How can you have such a steady, franchise quarterback one day and have such a whiny, unhappy baby the next day? The Broncos are blowing this one. They keep saying he's their guy...but they'll listen to offers. It's like asking your wife if she has cheated on you and she responds "Not Yet." From what I've read, I'm guessing the Jets ship Kellen Clemons and a pick to Denver. That way both teams have a starting quarterback(kinda) and New York has a replacement story for the Brett Favre-Wambulance Saga.

New England Looks To Trade for Peppers - Now that's a scary set of bookends. Julius Peppers and Adalius Thomas. It appears as though they'll ship their 34th overall pick to Carolina for him. I think that's a great trade for both teams, since Peppers wants out anyways. I think New England is quietly having a monster offseason. On a side note, the Patriot's Official Website has a feature on the team's "Top 10 Personnel Moves of All Time." This breaks my heart as a Lion's fan. Our equivalent to this story would be "Top 10 WORST Personnel Moves of All Time."

No One Wants Torry Holt - At least they don't want to trade for him. I think he'd cost like a 5th rounder, but his salary is bloated. The Bears should consider him, they have the cap room, right? Teams over-value their late draft picks. They should play Madden more. Look for Holt to get cut and be picked up by Da Bears or Eagles.

No Contract Extension for James Harrison - Yet. Harrison got paid a measly $1.2M last season after recording 16 sacks, seven forced fumbles, and Defensive P.O.Y. I cannot understand why the Steelers are taking so long. He's a beast and he performs under pressure. GET THE DEAL DONE PITTSBURGH.

I miss something? What-chu-reading-bout-willis?

Katy Perry Is So GD HOT!!!!

2009-03-15T15:32:00.004-04:00

I mean this girl has at least one thing every man should love. Big tits! The girl pores drip with sex and her appeal is amazing. I have been a fan of her looks since I saw her cd cover when it came out. And each time I see her I love her more and more and more and more and so on. I had never watched any of her music videos until two nights ago.I watched two. Beyond sexy in both. The girl just has "it" . From her face and how she does her makeup, to the way she dresses like some classic pinup, and even when she comes out of a banana ( heh). Plus she has huge real tits and an overall bad ass body.

If you think otherwise you like penis in your ass.

fact of the day: Katy Perry's song "thinking of you" was written about me.

Jared is High; Scarlett Johansson is Hot AND Talented.

2009-03-14T16:26:00.005-04:00

I don't understand why my blogger counterpart hates Scarlett Johansson. She's a TALENTED actress. Lost in Translation and In Good Company are my two favorite examples. She's also hot. Smoking hot. She has a timeless look, and could have walked up and down red carpets in the 50's. Jared's on crack. Scarlett is NOT overrated. And I don't even like blondes!

Why So Serious?: Lady Gaga

2009-03-12T21:21:00.002-04:00

Who the fuck is Lady Gaga? Seriously. And what kind of name is LADY GAGA?

And why do you keep putting your hand in front of your face? Is it so we can't SEE your face? Is that the reason you wear so much make up? Why so SERIOUS? You look like a man, trying to look like a chick, trying to look like a man.

This "Just Dance" music video is more gay than a hedgehog, on a tricycle with a boner. (Editor's Edit: Don't worry. The link isn't to a picture of a hedgehog, on a tricycle with a boner.)

If she was an adult porn star, she'd star in "Epileptic Tripping Dudes on Dudes".

2009-03-11T22:48:00.003-04:00

This movie Sunshine Cleaning looks pretty top notch in my book. It looks funny, dramatic, and very interesting. It comes out March 13th and stars my new love Emily Blunt(Brunette British Beauty) and the very talented Amy Adams. Check the trailer. I will be buying a ticket when it hits my theater.

Iron Man News.

2009-03-11T21:33:00.002-04:00

The rumor mill seems to work over time for the third Batman and the second Iron Man. Kind of stupid if you ask me. But finally it seems like the rumors of Mickey Rourke have come to be. News has broke that he will indeed be in Iron Man 2 and it seems he will be playing the Crimson Dynamo. Also Scarlett "I am overrated as fuck" Johansson will play black widow.

Personally I don't want to0 many big names in this movie. Too many big stars ruins movies.

Turtles Rapes A Shoe.

2009-03-10T23:01:00.003-04:00

Turtle sex is quality entertainment in my book. As a kid I saw two tortoises make sweet sweet love and I nearly died years later from laughing at the thought of it. This little fella is giving it to a shoe and the poor guy is squeaking like a dog toy being chewed.

Note: Not sure if that actually is a turtle. May be a small tortoise.

Watchmen Review

2009-03-06T18:42:00.004-05:00

It is with great sadness that I bring you some bad news.

Watchmen is a huge letdown.

I have no desire to go into a long winded review. You have all seen the previews so you know what this movie is. Let me start off with the good stuff.

+The performance of Jackie Haley who played the masked Rorschach. He is awesome.
+Carla Gugino's pure sex appeal
+The fight scenes are well done and you can see all the action unlike most action movies which do the whole shaky camera thing.
+Special effects
+Look of the movie.

But there is far more to be upset with.

-Some of you may be excited to know that Malin Akerman gets naked in this movie. But she does in quite possibly the worst love scene in the history of movies. It was painfully corny and just god awful. It may just be one if the worst scenes period of all time.
-The two love stories in this movie, both involving Malin are horrible. Just horrible.
-The movie is long winded and takes to long to get to the damn point.
-The scenes in between the action are BORING.
-Some scenes I wonder why the hell they were in the movie. These scenes come off as super lame such as the scene on Mars and of course the sex scene.
-Too many back stories.
-Movie is too long for its own good.

I am hugely let down by this film. So sad.

Grade: C-

You may be asking where is the picture? This movie does not deserve the time it would take to find a good one.

The Cuteness Is Killing Me.

2009-03-06T12:55:00.002-05:00

My friend Wilbo Baggins linked me to the adorable section at college humor. I can honestly say that unless you are a stone cold killer that you find adorable animals cute and or funny. I find them both cute and funny.

Like this little baby porcupine who seems to have injured himself. Porcupines + Cast = adorable laugh out loud cuteness.

A Fox Tale Called:Beauty.

2009-03-05T19:02:00.003-05:00

Yes!

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Late Night With Jimmy Fallon.

2009-03-04T21:47:00.002-05:00

Jimmy Fallon seems to get a lot of hate from a lot of people. Why I do not know. He's a goofy funny guy. I loved his crack ups on live tv when he was on SNL. He and Tiny Fey were the best weekend update team(or solo) to date. I was actually excited to see his new late night show. And you know what? I have been happy with it so far. Both nights have been funny and last night he and Tina Fey were great together and I laughed quite hard more than 5 times during her interview. Has anyone watched it? Thoughts?

"Watchmen" Drool Premiere

2009-03-03T14:34:00.004-05:00

Seems as if blockbuster movies brings out a bevy of beautiful women. So I grabbed 5 random pictures from 5 random women at the premiere of Watchmen. All but 1 I myself am a fan of. The one left out in the rain I would still have a nice time with

L to R: Malin Akerman, Missy Peregrym, Olivia Munn, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Carla Gugino.

Houshmandzadeh Finds The Emerald City.

2009-03-02T22:01:00.003-05:00

Most free agents this off season have signed and none of them I am really a fan of. The one i was looking at was where would Houshmandzadeh go?

A. Re-sign with the Bangels. Did anyone really think he would go back to that hell hole? NO.

B. Sign with the Vikings. Yes the warriors of the sea have a great team in the making. But did TJ really want one of the two unproven QB's throwing him, oh wobbly darts, ducks shot from the sky or maybe a good pass once an awhile?

C. Sign with the Seahawks, who strike last season have been the model of consistency? A team with a proven QB and a defense that by all accounts should rebound and be what we all thought they would be and had been. The missing pieces in Seattle for too long has been the fact that Matt has a who's who of "who?" to throw to.

I for one am pumped to see TJ Housh sign his 5 year, 40 million dollar contract with Seattle Seahawks. If the Bears were not a team I would probably be a Seahawks fan(favorite that is)and I like to see them do well. Plus I am a big fan of Matt Hasselbeck and am happy to see him get a good Wr to throw to, a true number one.

Now with this the Hawks don't have to waste their first pick on an unproven wideout and instead focus on one of the other areas of need.

Ruskell good work sir, even if the contract is a bit high.

He's Just Not That Into You Review

2009-03-01T02:03:00.003-05:00

First off, I am all man. I have a penis to prove it. But Yes, I did go see this movie, and yes, I did enjoy it. There is no chance in hell I would see it without a girl, but its actually a very cute movie.

A few things I will go against on Jared's Teh Movies post. Drew Barrymore plays a very small role in the movie. She happens to be one of the executive producers of the movie, but was in it maybe a total of 5-10 minutes. It actually focuses more on Ginnifer Goodwin's character, who happens to be the narrator of the movie.

You will also see a lot of Scarlett Johansson, including some breast groping, and a bit of Jennifer Connolly and Jennifer Aniston. There are far too many Jennifers in it, or girls who have names that sound like Jennifer. Anyways, Jennifer Aniston does not play a 20 year old or someone who acts 20 years old. She plays a character that I would guess would be mid 30s. In the movie, she has a younger sister who seems to be late 20s, early 30s. Justin Long has a pretty big role in the movie as well, but no one really has the lead. It chronicles 9 different characters who are somehow related to eachother.

And despite what people said, I laughed a few times during the movie. Not nearly as much as my date, but she was pleasantly surprised I went along with it. My first choice would have been Jonas Brothers 3-D Concert, but I think I got the better of the two. So feel free to take my man card away, but if you want to earn points, go see it. It might surprise yourself.

Why So Serious?: Nikki Cox

2009-02-28T21:52:00.005-05:00

Remember Nikki Cox? She played the slutty girl on Unhappily Ever After(which, by the way, was a blatant rip-off of Married With Children). I guess she didn't think she was hot enough, so she filled herself with plastic. WOOF. So these days, we can ask Nikki Cox: Why So Serious?
(Editor's Note: We might start making fun of famous people that resemble The Joker from The Dark Knight. Too much plastic surgery, too much make up, a bad camera angle or creepy features and they ~~win~~ lose. If you think it's a good idea, let us know.)

Carla Gugino" Look And Watch Man!"

2009-02-28T21:38:00.004-05:00

Carla has always been hot as shit. What makes her even hotter is that she's older. What twenty something doesn't love older women? She stars in "watchmen" which drops on March 6th(I will see it that day, review to follow ;) ) I saw this photo shoot and my penis quickly did a dance and quietly went to sleep after downing 23 shots of patron.

Enjoy.

If Calhoun reads this, go to the girls section and scroll down for a second. There is a post of Isla Fisher.

Ron Howard Is Gangsta

2009-02-28T01:57:00.003-05:00

The oddest cameo in a music video? Maybe. I have a feeling Will is going to love this.

Watch as Ron Howard rolls up in Jamie Foxx's entourage. He makes his first appearance at about :45.

2009-02-27T18:30:00.002-05:00

Each year Hollywood pumps out a surplus of bad animated movies. Animated films that have weak plots or that are over stuffed with a cast of A class actors who have no business doing voice over work. Annually we get about 2-3 decent to good animated films a year. Last year was a VERY good year with a perfect movie in Wall-E, and two great ones in Kung Fu Panda and Bolt. Outside of Pixar I normally have little to know reason to see the other crap. But this movie actually looks like it could be cool. For one it has aliens and I normally like the character design of aliens (see: Stitch and the minor characters from that gem) and have tons of ways to do something fresh. This movie called "Battle for Terra" has actually been well received at various places it has been shown. I hope it ends up good and I have some decent hope it will be. The character design of the aliens look really good and make up for the rather eh looking humans.

For More go here

Around Teh NFL

2009-02-27T09:18:00.003-05:00

It's one of my favorite parts of the National Football League. It's time to sign free agents. Let's look at what has ALREADY gone down, and what the future is looking like.

Albert Haynesworth. Signs with the Redskins for a guaranteed $41 million dollars. Rotoworld is calling him the best free agent in a decade. I think that's a joke of a statement, but he's a huge pick-up. I'm kind of feeling like his attitude and laziness might become a problem and he could become a bust. Time will tell.

Fred Taylor. Signs with the Patriots. This is only notable because of his name. I have a hard time be living he'll do much more than fill in and pass block. He obviously is looking for that ring.

DeAngelo Hall Rapes the Redskins. A guaranteed $23 mil? I thought this was a joke when I read it. He gets burnt, he's got attitude problems and he is highly overrated. He is a slightly above average cornerback.

Cowboys look to trade Roy Williams. The safety, not the wide out. I can't imagine they'd get much for him. He's highly overrated and constantly blowing coverage.

Sage Rosenfels is a Vike. Rosengardner, Roselbooger, Roodibaker. Whatever. I don't care. It's a trade for a fourth round pick. He leaves the Texans, signed a new contract, blah, blah, blah.

Kurt Warner's a free man. He enters free-agency looking for a payday. Does he deserve it? Who knows. He needs a strong O-Line and a go to receiver to be a good quarterback. In St. Louis he had Pace and Holt, in Arizona he had Fitz and in New York he had...oh yeah, he sucked.

Bart Scott to become a Jet. Looks like that amazing Raven linebacker core is already busted up. Bart Scott is a scary, scary man. He'll make an immediate impact in New York. It just came down, so there are no contract details.

Bryant McFadden might become a Lion. Most of you don't care about this, but this is a huge deal for Lions fans like myself. Mcfadden played great in Pittsburgh and would bring winning experience to a team that has been the laughing stock of the league.

311: Sneek Peak At New Album

2009-02-26T09:42:00.002-05:00

It's a very brief portion of an upcoming song on 311's new album, Uplifter, set to drop very soon! Everyone knows I'm stoked. Why aren't you?!

Just Watch This.

2009-02-25T23:54:00.004-05:00

I could care less about the NBA but this 50 foot trick shot by LeBron James is pretty insane.He doesn't even hit the rim *shock*

Sorry I just saw this, maybe late for some of you NBA folk.

Kick Push a Log.

2009-02-25T14:02:00.002-05:00

I've seen skateboards made out of some wacky stuff, but I've never ever seen someone 360 flip a log. Sickness.

Slumdog Millionaire Review

2009-02-24T19:20:00.006-05:00

On Sunday night, Slumdog Millionaire caught Oscar slipping at the Academy Awards and took off with eight statues of the proud gold man. I felt like I had to see this movie. For one I write reviews here and because it was my duty as a movie fiend to get my fix of a movie with gold running through its veins. Plus unlike most best picture winners this is feel good movie that DID win. No politics or any of that boring crap that many past winners have intertwined into them.

Slumdog takes place in the slums of Mumbai. It is a love/adventure/triumph story of a young lad named Jamal. Jamal tells his story to a police officer after winning 10 million on who wants to be a millionaire. They think he is cheating and want to know where he got the answers to the questions. That's where the story begins and Jamal's tail unfolds. It begins with him as a young kid with his brother Salim and his life there after. Check here for more of the story.

You may be asking your self was this movie worth all the hype? Was it deserving of eight Oscars?

FUCK YES!

This movie was amazing. The acting is superb, the story is awesome and full of adventure. The lead character is engaging and smart(all three actors who played him were great). A love story is thrown into the mix of course(and a beautiful one is is), and so much more. The trailers for this movie probably leave you wondering what the hell this movie is all about, just go see it asshole!

The great thing is that this movie is full of non-actors in their first roles. No pumped up egos and over played dramatics here, just raw talent on display. Danny Boyle has directed one good movie, a great movie, and this movie. He was the man behind the great "Sunshine" and the very good "28 Days Later". What do all three of these movies have in common? The music. Slumdog has the best movie soundtrack I have heard since "Sunshine". The music fits the story like tights on Kate Beckinsale, Perfectly!!! I am listening to the soundtrack as I write this because I came home and downloaded the album on my ITunes. You will know what I am saying when you go see the movie...Asshole!

This movie has nothing bad about it. It stars with Jamal as a kid and his adventures. Then he is a young teen and then an older teen. Jamal and his brother hustle in this movie to make money and the result is fun. The movie is also very light hearted and has plenty of moments that will make you smile and laugh. The movie has no down time or boring scenes. It is always moving and progressing. Never a dull moment like I know Benjamin Button has plenty of(stupid ass movie I will never watch).

So you need to go see this movie. You may have noticed that the theme of this review was "asshole" because that is what you are if you don't go see the movie.

Grade: A+

Writer note: you're an asshole! :)

McNabb Wants Help

2009-02-24T17:44:00.002-05:00

The Eagles want to talk extension, but Donovan wants to talk about talent. The talent surrounding him more specifically.

McNabb has two more years left on his contract and allegedly wants to stay in Philadelphia, but before he agrees to do so, he's looking for some additions to the roster that will help his team out. He must be referring to his wide-receivers, maybe even his tight-ends. And rumor is he might asked to be traded if that doesn't go down.

Is Donovan really thinking straight? Ask any Eagles fan and they'll emphatically say "YES!" It's common knowledge that the Eagles have had one solid wide-out(Terrell Owens) in the past 5 or so years. But think about this. Where is this cap space coming from? You have an excellent running back. You have some of the better defensive players in the league. You even have, in my opinion, a top tier kicker.

It's the single weak spot of your team, Donovan. You can't have it all. You're asking the management to make the defense weaker, or the offensive line, or your running backs. It's the way your team is built. You better hope you get traded. Think about what you're telling the current set of wide-receivers on your team.

McNabb needs to look to the Pre-Randy Moss-Patriots(PRMP) for inspiration. The current Eagles personnel and The PRMP personnel are all similar. Great defense, great kicker, strong running game, clutch quarterback...oh wait a second. That's the difference. How ironic. LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND PLAY FOOTBALL, DONOVAN.

When MMMBop Meets Pumpkins

2009-02-23T16:31:00.006-05:00

Take the girly-boy front man from Hanson, the odd Japanese guy from Smashing Pumpkins, some bass player no one cares about and the drummer from Cheap Trick.

What do you get? Tinted Windows.

Be very hesitant when using the word or idea "Supergroup" to describe this hodge podge of musicians. Check out Tinted Windows' first single over at The Smoking Section. Tell us what you think. I think it's shit, distilled, filtered and reassembled into a poppy mess, but what the hell do I know? Here's another link, just in case you overlooked the first one and this is the first time you've ever been on the internet. Hover the pointy thing over these words and push the button on the mousy thingy when the pointy thingy turns into a hand thingy.

I'm On A Boat Parody: I'm On The Land

2009-02-21T23:33:00.002-05:00

I don't know T-Pain. I don't have autotune software laying around. I can't really sing all that well. But, I can throw together a mean beat, drop some lyrics and blow your mind.

Push Movie Review.

2009-02-20T20:10:00.002-05:00

Before I jump into this lazy review I went to see this movie because my mom wanted to see it. I need to get her out of the house so I take her to movies. I say this because I wouldn't normally waste 7.50 on a movie I was almost sure would suck. Why did I think it would suck? Well because pretty much everything I read said it sucked, and because the more trailers for it that I saw made me think "this will not be very good".

So did it, you know suck?

Kind of.

I like Camilla Belle for her beauty like I have said in a previous review. And despite the Internet being full of Chris Evans haters I am a fan of him too. He was the man in "sunshine" and turned me into a fan from that movie. The movie also stars Dakota Fanning who actually gave the best performance of the 4 lead actors in this movie despite the fact I normally don't like her. DJimon Hounsou who is a good actor pretty much sleep walks through this movie.

I will not go into any details because it is pointless. Check this link out for more on this movie.

I will sum up this whole movie in one sentence because it is the perfect way to tell you what this movie is.

Push is a lost puppy just wondering aimlessly.

there you go.

If you are a fan of the actors in this movie just wait until it is on dvd. Save your hard earned ducketts for something more important like a box of condoms or a 12 pack of beer or what ever else it is you damn kids need these days.

Camilla Belle is HOT. I will make this review more than pointless with these

Grade: C-

America's Youth

2009-02-20T19:02:00.004-05:00

This is what's wrong with our country's youth. Huh? Oh, he's from Canada? Oh. Well that's what's wrong with Canada's youth. What? Oh, he's 55? This is what's wrong with Canada's...middle...aged....fuck it. Just watch the video. Oh, and he calls himself sexman.

I behoove(pretty sure that's a word) you to click on the kid's/man's profile/channel on youtube and just have a look around.

The Franchise Tag

2009-02-20T09:31:00.003-05:00

As football fans, we're lead to believe that the franchise tag is a horrible thing for NFL players. Getting paid the average of the top five players' pay at your position sucks. It's just the pits, right? They argue they want a more lucrative, long term deal. That's just Poppy-cock. Look at some of the obnoxious salaries the following players will make IN ONE SEASON OF FOOTBALL.

Rams FS O.J. Atogwe - $6.342 million
Bucs WR Antonio Bryant - $9.884 million
Patriots QB Matt Cassel - $14.651 million
Cardinals ILB Karlos Dansby - $8.304 million
Bengals K Shayne Graham - $2.483 million
Seahawks OLB LeRoy Hill - $8.304 million
Giants RB Brandon Jacobs - $6.621 million
Chargers RB Darren Sproles - $6.621 million
Falcons P Michael Koenen - $2.483 million
Panthers DE Julius Peppers - $16.683 million
Texans CB Dunta Robinson - $9.957 million
Titans TE Bo Scaife - $4.462 million
Steelers OT Max Starks - $8.451 million
Ravens LB/DE Terrell Suggs - $10.164 million

I pulled these numbers from the very excellent sports news site, rotoworld.com. A record 14 players were tagged by the deadline. (For those of you who do not know, each team can franchise one player a year.) Obviously, some of these jokers might be franchised so that they can be traded away.

Rotoworld tends to think that Peppers and Cassel will be traded. I think they're right about Peppers. He's made it VERY clear he wants out of Carolina and he wants to win some games. He was looking at a HUGE payday if he was a free agent and Carolina stands to get a king's bounty for him. Matt Cassel, on the other hand, isn't going anywhere. He is a product of excellent coaching and team play. Other teams won't give the Patriots enough, and the Patriots won't trade him away. They need some insurance at the position. What do you think?

I'm On A Boat.

2009-02-19T23:09:00.002-05:00

Hand it to The Lonely Island to parody a typical bragging rap song and do it better than the artists they parody. SNL was very smart to hire these three guys years ago.

This Week At Teh Movies( Feb 20th)

2009-02-19T18:46:00.005-05:00

Two straight weeks of nothing worth going to the movies for. This week has nothing to offer. I mean I wouldn't even see any of these movies if I got in for free.

Fired Up- Sure this movie has the hot chick from "Disturbia" in it, but that it! This movie looks horrible and like a pretty stupid premise. Plus the blonde guy is like 30 years old. DUMB! PASS!

Tyler Perry's something something something- Really? You know how I know these movies are of low quality? Because dude releases like 50 a year. How can you expect to make a good movie when you make 4 a week? Plus he has a tv show. Fuck Tyler Perry! Plus he dresses up like a woman in every movie, that's comedy? PASS!

and a few others movies I have no idea about. So this week sucks pretty much. Summer can't come soon enough with this being our two main choices at the cineplex. I would have written nothing for this week like I did last week. But I decided I wouldn't skip two weeks in a row. Not that it would have mattered.

Crank it up!

2009-02-19T17:27:00.002-05:00

Not the motorcycle. Your sound. The best part of this clip is the last couple seconds of audio.

Isla Fisher.

2009-02-19T13:32:00.003-05:00

She was requested. Here she is.

Can You Guess The Beauty?

2009-02-18T23:41:00.002-05:00

I highly doubt you will know who this is. But you should. She is one of the hottest girls on the planet and is super down to earth making her even more hot. Calhoun is the only one who may know. Take a guess!

click below for bigger version.

Quickpost this image to Myspace, Digg, Facebook, and others!

UFC's Next Ultimate Fighter is...

2009-02-18T17:09:00.004-05:00

...Chris Brown? I keed, I keed. All of us will agree it's not right to hit women, well most of us anyways. And then there's what Chris Brown did to Rihanna. What an asshat right? Rihanna's SMOKING. ANYWAYS. Some guy wants to fight Chris Brown in a ring. Like, for realsies. Like UFC style, mixed martial arts.

I have a feeling the odds of that ever happening are very slim, but he's even taken his challenge where everyone voices their serious, legitimate opinions: Facebook Groups.

Quick Iron Man 2 Rumors.

2009-02-17T23:06:00.002-05:00

If you know me you know that Iron Man is my favorite movie and Robert Downey is my favorite actor. So I have high hopes for who they cast in the next movie. Two rumored names to play the black widow are Scarlett Johansson and Eliza Dushku. Both would be terrible choices because neither has the acting chops or the ability to do it. The first name was Emily Blunt. I can see that, she looks the part more. The other two don't look the part.

Munny Love!

2009-02-17T16:35:00.001-05:00

I <3 KidRobot.

Ah GD!!!! Fucking Dumbass Hollywood.

2009-02-16T23:17:00.002-05:00

Catchy title huh? Yeah I spend three days developing that one in my lap of ideas. I have over a million bucks worth of equipment that I use to help me formulate and cultivate the titles for me.

Ok so I have some heart breaking news. News that will make your head explode with anger. Johnny Quest was one of my favorite cartoons as a young adolescent. I loved watching it and still could. What boy didn't love Johnny Quest? No no that's not the heartbreaking news...this is

Hollywood wants to make a movie of Johnny Quest....yay? NO.

who will play our eleven year old hero? Zac "I am 21 years of age" Efron. A 21 year old playing an 11 year old, yeah sounds like a solid plan.

who's playing Johnny's bodyguard Race Bannon...Dwayne "the rock" Johnson. I have no qualms with this one to be honest..but rock hasn't been in a good movie in some years. So.....

It gets better...the director?

Andy Flickman. If you just said "who the fuck is that?" than you and I said the same thing. His list of movies that he has directed?
She's the man..an Amanda Bynes movie
the game plan..a mediocre family flick

how the hell is he supposed to be the guy to direct an action movie?

Fucking Hollywood!

Naomi Watts

2009-02-15T20:21:00.002-05:00

I could care less if you agree with me or not but Naomi Watts IS beauty(like look it up in the dictionary, there she is). She has easily one of the best faces I have ever seen. So in light of her new movie that came out this week, I give you the angelic Naomi Watts.

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Octo-Mom Needs Your Help

2009-02-13T16:01:00.005-05:00

...don't give it to her. She's put up a website (which I will not validate by linking you to it), asking for donations. I recall her saying in an interview with Anne Curry she would make enough money to support all 14 of her kids. This is retarded. Let me break down the story for those of you who don't watch news:

This single woman has 6 children. All from a sperm donor. She's divorced, her former husband isn't listed as the father for any of the kids. She lives at home with her parents and calls herself a "professional" student.

And then she decides she needs another kid? How retarded is that?

Some think Octo-Mom might actually be addicted to in vitro fertilization. I don't understand why a single mother, who is living off her parents and the government thinks it's a logical step to go for a 7th kid. And now she's got effing 14. Do not help this woman. Her publicity tour will pay for her children. Or maybe she'll graduate for from her career as a student and become a rocket scientist. My bet is probably not.

Sarah Chalke Gets Fit.

2009-02-13T12:42:00.005-05:00

I saw these while at the store yesterday. I was happy to see Elliot in work out gear. I know some of us here watch scrubs and thus find Sarah to be attractive. This shoot helps!

These are the best scans I could find, which are not great but good enough.

There is more in the actual magazine next time you may be in a magazine section.

I Should Be Shot In The Face.

2009-02-12T17:21:00.004-05:00

A few short days ago I made a comment in response to Ryan's SI swimsuit issue post. I said something like how I was not a fan of Bar Refaeli, because I had never really looked at her all that well. I am here to say I have never been more wrong in my life. Bar Refaeli is a perfect woman. She is the hottest "new to me" chick I have seen in probably five years. I was watching Letterman last night because I wanted to see her, to see if the hype was worthy. My eyes nearly jumped out of my sockets to race my penis to find this angel. Did anyone see her? HOLY FUCK!!!! She wore the fuck out of the blue dress. I had a tingle that was quite rare and I fell in love.

Let me break it down because it's fun.

-She has a wonderful smile with a set of Jared eye catching dimples.

-Her eyes are beautiful.

-Much like my other favorite model Marisa Miller she has cute freckles all over her nose

-Hot voice

-Big real boobs that rival Marisa's and may be bigger and better.

-One of the best bodies I have ever seen

-ASS OH yeah!

I can't say her or Marisa is hotter because they are both perfect and share a ton in common. She does dress better than Marisa though, and by dress better I mean she always wears curve hugging tight dresses. I am glad she made the cover of SI because that means we have years and years of new pictures of her. I could give a flying flip flop fuck about her modeling pictures because you never know what's real and what is not. I am all about the candids. Another thing about Bar is she's a natural beauty, this girl needs no make up.

It is safe to say Leo can get anyone woman he wants (shit he's done it twice now) and he deserves all of our respect for this reason alone.

If you had a chance to see her on Letterman the girl is awesome. She has an adorable laugh and shut Dave down on everything question about her relationship. She wants to keep her personal life personal and I respect that because I hate attention whores. Dave tried and tried and she shut him up.

Click on the pictures for bigger version.

Joaquin Phoenix On Letterman

2009-02-12T09:33:00.003-05:00

At this point who knows. Who knows what Joaquin is doing. Is he on drugs? Is he pulling an Andy Kaufman style prank? Maybe he's for real? At this point, I don't care. Phoenix was on Letterman last night, and he was very, very weird. It was entertaining. Dave Letterman does an excellent job of backhand-ingly roasting guests, and he did so with Phoenix. But it seemed like a bit much, which makes me believe Letterman knows this is all in fun. Maybe though, the rapping career part is still real. A real horrible idea.

Minka Kelly A True Gem

2009-02-11T19:31:00.004-05:00

I am unlike many of you. When I see a hot woman in a movie or on tv I look her up. I find out who she is and if she really is as hot as I thought she was at first sight. I think a lot of popular celebrities are hot as many of you do. I also find a lot of unknown girls hot. So with this said I will be posting more girls than we currently have here at Teh Blog. I will post popular women and chicks who are probably unknown to you but that you should know.

Minka Kelly is a girl you may know from the tv show "Friday Night Lights". She has also dated Turk from Scrubs, so you know he's the man after that. She's pretty much flawless in every way. Can you really find anything to complain about? If you happen to disagree with me than you are more than likely gay. This young stunner in my book is much like Kate Beckinsale, a girl who is universally loved by all

Side Note: She has been a top 5'er for years ;)

Coraline Review.

2009-02-10T18:26:00.004-05:00

I am a big fan of stop motion animation and wish more movies had it. So it was only natural for me to want to see a movie with stop motion animation. One reason is because of the work and detail these folks put into these movies. Another is if you are making this type of movie, and are spending years of your life doing it, you will make the movie good and have a strong cast, script, story, etc. This movie is no different. I am also a fan of anything that I would consider creative. This type of movie is always more creative than I can even dream of being.

I would normally give you a quick run down of the story but I will spare my fingers the pleasure. Watch the trailer. That will give you a good idea of what to expect. I would compare this film to Alice In Wonderland. Both involve little girls who are a little curious like our favorite little monkey George. Both have cats that talk, holes to crawl through and other stuff. Sadly Coraline does not have a chubby little rabbit with a time piece or a rabbit wearing a top hat to add to my personal delight. What you don't think adding a rabbit to a movie is a good idea? If you answered no I will punt your head off of your brittle little shoulders bitch! All animated movies should have the following.

1. At least one rabbit...Fail

2. At least one Turtle...Check

3. A good creative story...Check

So you see my little rabbit hating friend, rabbits are KEY to a movies success. I mean, shit look at this movie which is pretty damn good was only 3 at the box office this week. Sprinkle in some rabbit and guess what you have? BOX OFFICE RECORDS. Remember the Wallace and Gromit movie a few years back that was also stop motion animation( as well as claymation)?It was full of rabbits and was box office gold. Greatest black and white movie of all time? Yeah it had a huge invisible rabbit named Harvey in it. Best commercial ever? Rabbit in it. The best animated short ever, Presto is about a rabbit. So you get what I am saying? This was me going off in a completely different direction about something not related to this film to entertain myself because otherwise this review would have been as mundane as George Michael's girlfriend in Arrested Development.

Back to the review I guess?

Okay so this movie is pretty solid. I have seen some give it an A+, not so much an A+ (that's playing with Iron Man type awesomeness) but still a great movie. I was shocked at how well Dakota Fanning did in this role as Coraline. Her voice was perfect for the role and the movie. When Coraline says "Coraline Jones" I will admit it is as cute as the buttons used for the "other" characters eyes.

The story is solid and easy to follow. The voice acting is perfect. The visuals are amazing and the set design is beautiful.

The only small complaint about this movie beside the lack of Leporidae is that it starts off a little slow which made me tired in the beginning. Also I am no mice expert but the mice in this movie look more like gerbils than mice. Actually I am quite sure they are indeed gerbils and not mice. This annoys me like all of the tv shows that call a tortoise a turtle. A tortoise is clearly not a turtle. The dumbest, biggest piece of shit show on tv "Heroes" makes this mistake. Matt has a tortoise not a turtle. Fucking lazy writers.

Outside of that this movie is awesome. Go see it.

Grade: A

Writer Note: I almost get no comments on the reviews I write. For all I know they suck and I should quit. But I have no idea because no one says anything. I write these reviews like a review I would want to read. So many reviews are boring and have nothing fresh in them. There is one critic who I can read and enjoy. I hope if you see this you enjoy this review and my others but I have no idea at this point of how well I am doing or how bad I am doing. It is my hope you do read this and like it. I personally like my style ;) - Jared.

Rob Dyrdek's Fantasy Factory

2009-02-10T17:10:00.003-05:00

I was a big fan of Rob & Big. I was sad to see it go. Rob Dyrdek has a new show on MTV, called Fantasy Factory. I'm not one hundred percent sure of the premise, but after a couple seasons of Rob & Big...I'm not sure there was a premise there either. There will be skating and shenanigans, I'm sure. I missed the premiere episode; I'm waiting for TiVO to catch it, so I'm unsure if this clip was on the show. Watch what happens at exactly the 1:00 mark. Scary/Hilarious/Funny.

Some youtube-ers are saying a switch was made and the fall is fake. I don't think it is, but even so, It still looked gnarly. Click here to watch the first episode on MTV.COM.

2009 Sports Illustrated Cover Model is...

2009-02-10T16:20:00.004-05:00

Bar Refaeli. She is also Leonardo Dicaprio's girl. Good for him.

Obviously, she's smoking, but she leads a small cast of pretty forgettable models. She's the right pick for the cover aside from I'd say, maybe Brooklyn Decker (if not just because of her awesome name.) They're all amazingly beautiful, just kind of...forgettable.

Looking through the list of models over at SI.COM's Swimsuit 2009 page, I'm not seeing a single girl that jumps off the screen like some models from previous years. Jared will probably call me picky. I'm okay with that; but in my opinion, all the girls kinda look similar. Aside from the ginger.

Incredible Segway Jump

2009-02-10T13:49:00.005-05:00

Will posted a College Humor Video over on his blog. I suggest you go look at it. It makes me want to never shoot a paintball gun again. Anyways, I found this after watching his. The caption on College Humor says:

"Watch as this young pro clears a car on his scooter. Outstanding."

Conan O'Brien

2009-02-10T13:11:00.003-05:00

Conan has 9 shows left before he leaves late night to take over the spot Jay Leno currently holds. Last night he showed a clip from a few years back because people loved it and he's been showing some of his best bits. I watched it, and laughed pretty damn hard. This video has a joke that I will say is now my second favorite Conan joke of all time, it happens when he pops the hood of his car . Enjoy.

I wish I didn't have to post the shitty youtube version of it, sorry.

on a side note. Funny joke on Leno last night..from the best of my memory.

"the economy is so bad A-Rod had to stop taking steroids and starting taking flinstones vitamins"

Steve-O To Dance with the Stars

2009-02-09T16:43:00.007-05:00

How on God's Green Earth did he pull this one off? Steve-O, of Jackass fame (not the dude from your high school you still call Steve-O), will compete in the upcoming season of Dancing with the Stars.

Are the producers of DWTS aware that at times, their show is live? They're putting Steve-O on live television. Let me repeat that in caps for emphasis. THEY'RE PUTTING STEVE-O ON LIVE TELEVISION. Did they not see what happened when he appeared on Adam Corolla's "Too Late"?

I might actually tune in to watch a couple of the live episodes, just to see how he destroys the set, or gropes his dance mate, or falls over drunk, or shows up naked...and so on.

For a full list of the Dancing with the Stars cast, go to hell. I'm not posting a link for that garbage.

The Lamest Award Show.

2009-02-08T20:44:00.004-05:00

I needed an excuse to post Kate's picture. Full version here.

Anyone who thinks that the grammys are any sort of merit for making a good album or song are deluded. The grammys should change their name to billboard awards jr. Only the best selling most popular artists win. Pretty worthless award show.....The Worst!

BUT

Kate Beckinsale was there, so that means I can respect them 1% for letting her bring some ratings and beauty to a show that sheep count to go to sleep.

Teh Blog Freebie(s)

2009-02-08T19:53:00.003-05:00

Aloha. I've been on a Photoshop Brushes kick lately, so I've been making some freshness.
So, here's some free wallpapers/desktops
from your friends at Teh Blog.
Enjoy!

Bikini Girl May Pose For Playboy

2009-02-06T21:17:00.005-05:00

If there has been one bright spot in the early season of American Idol it has been Katrina Darrell aka Bikini Girl. Before I go any further I don't watch American idol once it goes live because I find it very boring. I just like watching it before that because of the immense amount of rejects that make themselves look like complete idiots. One hopeful was Katrina Darrell who was cut in the 2nd round of the Hollywood additions. This girl is either very smart or very slutty. She wowed the judges( well at least the men) by coming in wearing a bikini. And despite being cut already her fame shall continue for 15 to 20 minutes. She may pose for playboy which will photoshop the fuck out of her but I would still like to see it. She's hot. She is smart in the fact that she realized what she was doing, she marketed herself as a sex symbol right off the bat and now it looks like it is paying off. I really dig this chicks face. I know Ryan will hate her but he also likes Drew pudgymore ;) More pics!

Here is the story

I will challenge you Soulja Boy

2009-02-06T11:42:00.002-05:00

Apparently Soulja Boy is handing out free ass whoopings on Halo 3. I think I could take him.

Sporting News Top 10 NFL Free Agents

2009-02-06T09:46:00.003-05:00

Do you agree or disagree? I'd honestly be happy to see anyone of these players on The Detroit Lions roster. SN.COM also has a top 99 list of free agents, but you have to pay to see it. Eff that. Sad news: Word is that not a single one of the Lions FA's this year cracked that list. How sad is that?

SportingNews.Com Top 10 Free Agents:
1. Nnamdi Asomugha, CB, Oakland Raiders
2. Albert Haynesworth, DT, Tennessee Titans
3. Terrell Suggs, OLB/DE, Baltimore Ravens
4. Julius Peppers, DE, Carolina Panthers
5. Kurt Warner, QB, Arizona Cardinals
6. Brandon Jacobs, RB, New York Giants
7. T.J. Houshmandzadeh, WR, Cincinnati Bengals
8. Jordan Gross, T, Carolina Panthers
9. Karlos Dansby, OLB, Arizona Cardinals
10. Ray Lewis, ILB, Baltimore Ravens

Click here for the full article >>

Is this going to be forever?!

2009-02-06T09:22:00.003-05:00

Often times I see a youtube video posted somewhere and It looks funny, but I never look at it because I'm lazy or I think it will be a waste of time. How often has someone showed you a viral video because it "is the funniest thing they've ever seen." Well, I took a second to watch this video after seeing it appear in a couple of different places. A friend over at TCG posted it. The kid just got out of the dentist and he is high as a kite. It was NOT a waste of time.

This Week At Teh Movies( Feb 6th)

2009-02-05T20:17:00.004-05:00

I am having a pretty bad day so I am going to trash everyone of these movies except for one. Who will be the lucky one to come out alive?

Push- At first I thought this could be a good movie. Well I have changed direction and now think it looks like garbage. Dakota Fanning is in this movie for one. She sucks. Camilla Belle is hot but her character looks lame. Chris Evans who I normally like may make this movie OK but probably won't because he's also in the lame ass fantastic four movies. This movie is getting a beat down from critics currently and looks like a generic super hero/action movie with cool special effects that try to cover up the horribleness around it. PASS

He's just not that into you- Once upon a time I had a girlfriend who read this book. So that right off the bat is a bad bad sign for this movie. I hear it isn't your typical chick flick and does star the funny Justin Long. But let's be honest do any of us want to go see this? I saw a funny 6 minute spot for this movie with the guys from it talking about it. It was funny. This movie will not be. I also heard Aniston is paying like a 20 year old? or maybe a girl who acts 20? I dunno but that is just dumb. It also has the always ugly and fluffy( eh Ryan? )Drew Barrymore. And a bunch of other overrated douche fucks. PASS

Pink Panther 2- How in God's great name did this movie get a two? Did anyone actually see the first one? This looks like lame had sex with another lame to create super lame. Man am I on a roll or what? That was pure genius. I should write a book huh? PASS

Fanboys- Fuck this movie. Maybe if it would have come out when it should have I would go see it, because of Kristen Bell. But now? No interest what so ever. Plus I read it sucks. PASS

Coraline- This movie seems to take a nice creative approach to stop motion animation. I have seen some good things about it. This movie is about a young girl who walks through a door into a fantasy version of her life. Sounds interesting and a bit like Alice in wonderland. Plus the animation looks pretty awesome. Sadly Coraline is voiced by Satan's spawn Dakota Fanning. But it is only her voice, so we are in the the clear. I love stop motion animation. I have always loved Wallace and Gromit and as a kid loved the nightmare before Christmas. So to see a new stop motion movie coming out brings a smile to my grimacing face :) See It

The popcorn is fucking gross.

Come to think of it I was not as harsh as I wanted to be. Always next week I guess.

Where The Frick Is Turk?

2009-02-04T18:04:00.003-05:00

I watched two new episodes last night of Scrubs. Both of which had NO TURK. Where's Turk? he's now been missing in 3 episodes of the new season. Carla and Elliot have both missed one. What gives? Did the writers forget how to keep the whole cast in each episode? And JD's favorite intern Denise aka Jo, was also missing in action this week. We also see the end of Ed who was pretty funny. I assume this is because the actor who plays him is in a new show coming out. I am a bit concerned. One of the best things about this show is the relationship between JD and Turk and yet Turk is hardly in the show anymore. I am sad. Tears roll down my frowning face as I write this. This is the last season, how can it lack the core?

Update: I have learned each main character will miss two episodes this season. Turk has missed three. So I hope that means he's on the rest of the season.

Taken Review.

2009-02-03T19:12:00.004-05:00

Taken is a movie with a simple premise. The premise is this. DON'T FUCK with a father who has special skills from his days working with the government as a preventer. And by fuck with I mean don't kidnap his daughter (ex Lost cast member Maggie Grace) and sell her into the sex trafficking industry.

I'll make this simple for you. I will ask you 3 questions, if you answer yes to any of the 3 questions you should go see this movie.

1. Do you like the Bourne movies?

2. Do you think Jason Bourne is an awesome character?

3. Do you like revenge?

Liam Neeson plays the father out to find his daughter and destroys anyone who stands his way. He becomes ruthless and the result is awesome. Not much to say here except I recommend this movie to anyone who said yes to my questions. Liam reminds me of an older Jason Bourne. So there you go.

Grade: A- (The Bourne Ultimatum was an A+ )

I also saw "The Wrestler" last week. Good movie with great acting. But I didn't know how to feel when it ended. I guess I hoped for more considering its big buzz.

Grade: B

Christian Bale Falls Victim To Being An Asshole.

2009-02-03T19:00:00.005-05:00

Not sure if you guys have heard but Christian Bale went off on the terminator set. Here's a link to the actual audio

I don't know about you but this is some straight up bullshit. How can you get that mad over someone walking onto set. Geez! I knew Christian Bale was a jackass but damn. I used to be quite a fan of this guy, but he is in mostly shitty movies these days with the exception of the Batman movies. I don't like how highly he thinks of himself. And come on, what the fuck was with his voice as batman? Sounded like he drank four bottles of absinthe before the scenes.

Christian Bale is another good actor who thinks he's so great that it ultimately makes him into a shitty actor. Fuck a Christian Bale.

Harsh Times is a horrible movie BTW. He sucks so bad in that movie that I nearly punched my friend for not talking me out of seeing it when it came out.

The video I posted is a song that has been made of his tirade.

2009-02-02T17:27:00.003-05:00

There are many important issues to discuss. These are not any of them.

Jennifer Hudson Lip-Syncs The National Anthem - I don't like Jennifer Hudson. She sings music I don't care about AND she's not hot. A double whammy, if you will. Word is, on her first performance after her family members are murdered, she used a backing track in front of the millions of Super Bowl viewers. I don't care! She looked like she lost some weight, had a positive attitude and was ready to take on the world. If you were her PR agent, would you let her possibly screw up the most important performance of her career? Faith Hill lip-synced her perform ace, but no no....that's not a story we can sensationalize.

Celebs Comment on Jessica Simpson's Weight - Jenny McCarthy, Carmen Electra, and even my girl Heidi Klum all support Jessica Simpson's new curves. All three of those women are hot. And pretty skinny. Curvy isn't the correct word to describe Simpson's new weight. It's husky. Chunky. Beefy. Maybe Woof. My wife would call her fluffy. Even as a heterosexual male, I can recognize that high waisted jeans and TWO belts will make a girl look fat. Add to the fact that she's now beefy. I don't care what you think about her weight, because you're wrong. It's not a good look for her. She needs to lose some weight if she's going to stay in the business.

Michael Phelps Smokes Pot - What a surprise! He's twenty-fucking-three years old. I'm 24, I don't smoke weed, but even I can recognize that we're of the age to light it up. If he wants to risk endorsement deals, fine, whatever! Don't babble on about how he's a role model. The only people that should be worried about being role models are parents. And let me say that this is inconceivable to the media because he's white. He probably wouldn't even be put on the hero pedestal he's on if he was black. The general public assumes he's a good role model because he's white. It's stupid. Are you really surprised that a college kid is smoking pot? If you dig deep enough there's something wrong with everyone. Get stoned out of your gourd, Mike. I don't care.

Super-Porn

2009-02-02T14:50:00.007-05:00

Larry Fitzgerald catches a short slant pass and takes it to the house.

If you're in Tuscon, Arizona, you're probably going nuts and then you probably saw nuts.

A 10 second pornographic clip interrupted the Super Bowl for some Comcast customers in Arizona. It featured a chick playing with a guy's dong on a couch. I found this screenshot with a cleverly placed XLIII logo placed over it.

I love Fight Club, Project Mayhem and all that, but this is probably the wrong time to do something like this. Obviously, It has to be a prank. It can't be coincidence that a clip like this, a porno, not video of a panda going down a slide, a commercial or some other random clip shows up on an event that all of America is watching. I love practical jokes, but there are kids watching. Boo to you inappropriate-I-think-I'm-funny-and-will-go-to-jail-guy. Boo to you.

Transformers 2 Official Trailer

2009-02-01T21:00:00.002-05:00

In case you missed the Super Bowl commercial featuring this trailer, here it is again.

The Greatest Video Ever

2009-02-01T16:48:00.003-05:00

If you like random stupid humor, the kind like Andy Samberg does so well. Than check this awesomeness out.

10 Simple Reasons I love This Season Of Scrubs.

2009-01-30T01:45:00.003-05:00

1. The fact that it is on TV still.

2. Ed. He's hilarious for his little bit moments.

3. Eliza Coupe who plays Denise. I am oddly fond of her as a comedian and for her looks. She is good stuff.

4. Less Carla.

5. Elmo, Oscar, and Grover making cameos. Pretty damn funny. I loved the dance with Elmo and Denise.

6. Dr.Cox being a bit more mean again. He had lost some of his anger the past few seasons.

7. Kelso and his never ending supply of muffins.

8. JD's beard.

9. Elliot and JD hopefully staying together so we can quit with that game.

10. Zwing!

Please add your own. I know at least two of you watch this delight!

Ashton Kutcher Is A Douche Bag.

2009-01-29T19:09:00.003-05:00

I don't know what planet Punk'd jackass has been living on but people normally start the work day and construction between 7-9 am. It's something we all must deal with, not the end of the world. But Ashton has taken huge offence to this and has recorded this video for "legal purposes". I used to think he was pretty cool, but than I found out he's a huge douche bag who high school football players don't even like. I assume he made this video thinking people would agree with him and take his side. Guess not!

Just Stuff.

2009-01-29T18:55:00.003-05:00

Mail may stop coming to our lovely mail boxes six days a week. Are you kidding me? Now my netflix is going to be all fucked up.

Robert Rodriguez is being attached as a producer for the reboot of the Predator franchise. And Robert you and who ever else becomes attached better do the character of the predator some justice. Predator is one of the coolest most bad ass characters in movie history. BUT...Oh BUT...the character has been in 4 shitty films and justice has never been done. Click

Taken, a movie I am pumped to see has gotten a great review from a trust worthy source. YES!

I won't be able to see until next week though.

There may be another Ghost Rider movie. Ok , put it away, no need to wank the peep over the news. I know we are all ready to mess ourselves but lets calm down a bit.

Writer Note: No I don't like Ghost Rider, it is probably the worst movie ever made.

Update On Joaquin Pheonix

2009-01-28T16:04:00.001-05:00

Some Lions fan asked a week ago if Joaquin's whole rap thing was a joke. Yes it was. Thank God.

It's a Hoax!

DTV Transition To Be Pushed Back

2009-01-28T10:59:00.004-05:00

Make up your mind United States Government. Of course not EVERYONE is going to be prepared for the switch to Digital. There will undoubtedly be hillbillies in po-dunk towns that won't have t.v. for awhile. You can't please everyone. But when you make a commitment to something, invest millions of dollars, require television stations to invest time and money into this switch and then back out because you can't GIVE people coupons? That's bull-shit. This is my very first problem with our new president. (Aside from the fact he's willing to sacrifice national security so he can get Hills updates on his Blackberry.) His push to make this happen later is silly and it's a waste of time and money. Just look how confused this old lady is in the video below. Good job United States Government, now this woman has to use baguettes for an antennae.

(EDITOR'S EDIT: It looks like it didn't get past the house, no word from the White House, but maybe this will be enough to just put this push back idea to rest.)

Teh Blog Freebie(s)

2009-01-27T20:16:00.001-05:00

Aloha. I made these sometime ago and forgot.
Here's some free wallpapers/desktops
from your friends at Teh Blog.
Enjoy!

Extra Pulp

2009-01-26T23:44:00.002-05:00

This is a picture from a new t-shirt in light of Pulp Fiction. Extra Pulp.

I would rock the shit out of this shirt.

Underworld: Rise Of The Lycans.

2009-01-23T22:43:00.004-05:00

It is pretty easy for me to write a bunch of stuff about a movie I dislike. I enjoy bashing a movie. A good review though? A harder piece to write because it is far easier to write negative things than positive things. So the following review will be a short one, or at least shorter.

The thirst installment of the Underworld series takes us back a few years( and by few I mean many) to before Kate Beckinsale would bless us with her beauty. It was a dark time. A time when vampires abused their power and used Lycans as slaves. A time when Lucian(Michael Sheen) was a true bad ass. You see my dear reader Lucian(a lycan) was in love with the head honcho vampire, Viktor's daughter. She was as beautiful as she was disobedient to her asshole father. Many say Underworld is Romeo and Juliet but with vampires and werewolves. The statement is a true one. If you have seen the first two movies you know what follows. Sonia the stunning Rhona Mitra is murdered for her betrayal in helping a Lycan. Chaos ensues for the vampires and their way of life

Check this for more on the story

The movie is pretty damn good I will admit. I wanted a movie heavy on brotherhood, revenge, and action and I got all 3. The brotherhood between the Lycans and the Lycans and werewolves is awesome. I love how they follow Lucian into battle out of respect for him.

Michael Sheen's Lucian was my favorite non-Salene(Kate) character in the first movie. He's also the best actor in the film. He's the best thing about this movie, and the biggest reason this is the best of the trilogy. The first two had some slow moments and bad acting by Scott Speedman(who played a lame character). This one is just pure fun. No slow moments, no stupid Scott Speedman.

My only negative comment I will give this movie is the horrid sex scene. Yes Calhoun there is a sex scene. You get maybe some side boob. But like the sex scene in the second one it is an unneeded scene because of how poorly it is done. It comes out of nowhere and just feels out of place. I feel like all the actors in this movie played their parts well and got the job done. I hope Rhona Mitra gets some better movies in the future. This being the only one that is any good. She seems to get put in bad movies all the time.Hire a new agent maybe?

And since Kate has said she won't do anymore action movies than I hope Rhona picks that ball up and runs with it.

Grade: A

This grade reflects how it fares against other movies of its type.

This Week At Teh Movies( Jan 23rd)

2009-01-23T18:25:00.005-05:00

I have no idea if anyone actually reads these Teh Movies posts. Regardless I entertain myself so here comes this weeks edition hitting harder than Limas Sweed.

Underworld : Rise of the Lycans- This is the third installment of the Underworld series which I am a fan of. Not because the movies are great by any means but I love the look and style of them. I am a fan of saturated colors, especially those in the gray and blue range and this trilogy gives my eyes that in abundance. Speaking of things that are aesthetically pleasing, how about my dear Kate's eye candy replacement, Rhona Mitra? She's not Kate, but she's still a ten and reminds me in many ways of Kate. But I'll be writing a review of this movie later because I am going to see it.

Frost/Nixon- Michael Sheen who also stars in Underworld, and more importantly stuck his penis in Kate Beckinsale and spread his seed giving her a daughter is in this movie. Damn that sentence got away from me. But you know what? fuck this dumb ass movie. It got an Oscar nod and Wall-E didn't. It's safe to say this movie is my nemesis and I hope it bombs at the box office like a Tom Cruise movie. But if you want to see a god of a man(Sheen) who had a child with my wife, then check it.

Revolutionary Road- This movie stars Kate Winslet and Leo Dcap. Many are calling this "Titanic 2". How clever huh? Well this movie looks boring despite having two actors who are among the best. Will I ever see this? maybe, but I am not wasting my 8 bucks to go to sleep.

Inkheart- Brendan Fraser is one of my least favorite actors. He's in horrible comedy/action movies that are not funny because he sucks at comedy. I would rather watch a Jenna Jameson porn than watch this crap.

Note: Jenna Jameson may have broke a lot of ground, but she's in what I like to call "glitz" porn. That means that it is horribly polished looking and the girls are faking everything. I don't like to watch porn that looks photoshopped where the girls look like a playboy photo shoot(you know fake). I want to see mascara run and girls Get It!

Note of the Note: I know a couple of you watch it...don't lie!

Popcorn is looking alright this week.

The Academy Can Suck My Balls Bitch!!!!

2009-01-22T15:45:00.005-05:00

Much cussing to follow, so roll out if you are a pussy!

The Academy Awards is right around the corner giving blowjobs to people who don't deserve it, let alone a hand job. Actors are pretentious as fuck these days. The leader of this over blown ego storm is the Oscars. Every year these douche bags nominate a ton of movies no one saw and no one wants to see because they are boring as fuck!!!!!

Best Picture...are you fucking kidding me?

The Curious case of who gives a fuck is from what I have heard boring as watching an episode of Heroes(boom!) Only worse! Fuck Brad Pitt!

Milk? really? Trailers are supposed to get us hyped to see movies, and often we see shitty movies because of the trailers leading us in the wrong direction. This pile of boredom doesn't look even remotly interesting in any way. Oh Man Sean Penn plays a gay man, fuck that's amazing. Fuck Sean Penn and Fuck this dumbass movie. Fuck a Sean Penn!

Frost/Nixon I don't know enough about to bash

The reader stars two people who are really good so I assume it's good. But it looks boring.

Slumdog Millionaire I actually want to see...

But how the fuck did Wall-E not get a nod?

Yes it's animation but it's the greatest one of all time and it flawless in every way. Plus It was I believe the best reviewed film of the year. But I guess since Wall-E isn't a real actor and doesn't pull down the proverbial pants of who ever is in charge of the "academy" he gets screwed.

The animation category is the only one worth a shit. The only other thing they got right was giving Robert Downey Jr. and Heath Ledger nods for best supporting actors.

Fuck you Oscar!!!!!!!

I think the "academy" is full of 70-90 old men and women and that's why they nominate such garbage every year. Because old people like boring garbage. And they smell like baby powder.

Today Is A Big Day.

2009-01-20T15:10:00.004-05:00

Yes today, Jan. 20th 2009 marks a beautiful day of.....Max Payne on DVD. You thought I was actually going to speak on the Inauguration? Or Obama? Haha, No.

Don't get it twisted dear reader Max Payne the movie is a big pile of dog shit wrapped in a boring burrito. Some of you may see the commercials for it and say "oh that looks good". But it is not! I was dumb enough to get sucked into it when it was in theaters and I was more disappointed than the day Kobe Bryant sat me down and told me I would never be able to dunk a basketball again. For those of you who don't know he's got a Ph.D in dunk analysis, you didn't know? Max Payne is the worst Mark Wahlberg movie I have seen( and I am a fan of his), is horribly boring and at a sloths pace. The movie also cast Mila Kunis, in one of the most pointless roles in movie history, like she literally had no reason to be in the movie. The last 10 minutes of this movie is pretty cool but it doesn't make up for the whole movie sucking. I just thought you would need this warning so you don't waste any queue space on your netflix account or drop 20 ducketts on the DVD. You're welcome!

Is it a Hoax?

2009-01-19T09:29:00.004-05:00

On Friday, we made mention of Joaquin Phoenix becoming a rapper. Yes, Joaquin Phoenix, from swing-away-Merril-Johnny-Cash-Fame.

He's quitting an acting career to become a rapper.
Some speculate that this is all a big hoax. I didn't even consider this, because in Hollywood, celebrities think they can do anything. Singers become "actors"(see Mandy Moore), actors become "singers"(i.e. Paris Hilton) and "actors" become "singers"(example Heidi Montag). Let's not even talk about the wanna be clothing designers, directors, producers, pilots, police officers,etc. So would it really be a surprise if this was legit?

I hope it's not. He seems like a nice guy. Maybe a little troubled. If this is legit, he needs some real people around him to tell him to hang it up.

This youtube video has surfaced. Is it evidence of a hoax or the beginning of a horrible career decision?: